Real Value Men: Understanding the Difference 

Introduction: Defining Real Value in Men

What is a valuable man? This should be an easy question to answer. However, a simple, clear explanation of a valuable man is often hard to find.

Most of us instinctively feel when we’ve met a good man, but it’s not often that we consciously consider just exactly what it is that makes this so. Are there a set of plans that all men should follow? Is it really possible to identify the framework of a valuable man, or is the answer to that question simply too relative to define? 

I don’t believe it is too relative. I believe there is a set of plans that all men can and should follow, and in this article, I’m going to lay out a rough outline of what I consider to be the key characteristics of a valuable man. 

But before we get to that, let’s first consider what a valuable man is not. Let’s see how the general framework of a “valuable man” in today’s society can sometimes fall short.

The High Value Man: Appeal, Limitations, and the Need for a Balanced Approach

In the landscape of modern masculinity, especially in Western societies, the ideal of the “high value man” stands out as a model of inspiration for many. Different descriptive terms are sometimes used to mark this kind of man, but the ideological framework remains the same. 

A high value man is often seen as a go-getter. A man who sets ambitious goals and achieves them. He’s a role model in his chosen field. Whether it’s in business, arts, sports, or any other domain, his success story can’t be denied. He’s admired for his leadership qualities, his determination, and strong work ethic. He’s not afraid to take risks and push boundaries. Where some see a wall, he sees an opportunity. He’s also financially stable. He has the funds to provide for himself and others—to purchase the necessities of life, along with all of the pleasures that make life worth living. 

I’m not going to tell you (just in case you thought I might be moving in that ideological direction) that ambition, leadership, risk-taking, and financial stability are somehow toxic traits. Most people would strongly disagree with that claim anyways, including myself. The point I’d like to make clear, however, is that this model of masculinity has its obvious limitations. 

It’s not so much that the traits just listed are bad, rather it’s that some very important traits don’t seem to be listed. That the primary value of the “high value man,” so far, has been focused entirely on external achievement. Though it may be implied that this kind of man also exemplifies righteousness, virtue, honesty, etc., the fact is, this isn’t always the case. Here’s the concern I have with this popular concept. 

When men’s value is measured solely by material success, the potential for narcissism and greed increases. Con men, grifters, and swindlers rise up. Positive traits like integrity, empathy, and constructive community impact are diminished. A man’s decision-making process is gummed up with ethical complications, and the end goal of material success ends up justifying any means. In this case, a man who’s ambitious and financially stable, represents a net loss for society as well.

Let’s take a step back, though, before we go too far. Because I want to make sure that we don’t lose some of those valuable aspects in our attempt to find the kind of masculine model that men are really in need of. I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. So, let me reiterate the importance of financial stability, material achievement, and professional success. 

These elements do play a vital role in many contexts of personal fulfillment and societal progress. They’re often fundamental features of mental and physical health. So, I don’t believe that the traits previously mentioned, or the want for material accomplishment, should be tossed aside. 

What I’d like to do instead is give this concept a healthier set of roots. To develop the underside. To fill in the space that, as I’ve pointed out, seems to be lacking. To prevent the spread of unchecked selfishness and greed. To help men, along with society, better flourish by outlining a clear model of progression that first develops men’s character, and then constructs the rest of his structure from there.

The key to a valuable man lies in the primary construction of a strong ethical foundation, on the development of the inner assets, like character, resilience, self-understanding, empathy, etc., before seeking greater external success. With the right foundation financial stability and material success will come, but not just for the individual. Society will benefit as well. This, I believe, is the context where a real “valuable man” has truly been achieved. 

The focus on building the inner virtues first, I know, might seem tedious. It might interfere with your most hedonistic dreams. But I assure you, what you really want from this life is more than just material success and pleasure. In the end, you’re going to want to know that what you did with your life was right. If you follow the steps I’m going to lay out in the coming outline, you’ll find a way to create the material success that every man (to some extent) is looking for, but you’ll also gain something more timeless. You’ll change your own life for the better, but you’ll also become a beacon of “value” that enriches this world.

It’s obvious that the archetype of the high value man has some positive aspects. It’s also obvious, however, that the structure of this model may have some weak points. That the concept of a high value man, while positive from a certain perspective, needs more focus on the development of a strong foundation. We’ve seen, in short, that we might need a better term—along with a clearer, more complete, conceptual framework—that answers the question, “What is a valuable man?” 

This leads us into our exploration of the “Real Value Man.” A concept that can offer us in conscious terms a more comprehensive definition of what it means to be a truly valuable man in today’s world. A concept that we’ll begin to explore and understand a little more in the sections below.

A New Paradigm: Real Value Men

At this point, I hope what’s clear is that when redefining what it means to be truly valuable as a man, we must move beyond external achievement. That the exclusive attainment of wealth, status, and power falls short of capturing the full essence of a man’s worth. Not that external achievements are bad, per se, just that a man who solely focuses on material attainment is essentially incomplete. This kind of man lacks a solid foundation. His overall framework needs development and fortification.

The term “Real Value Man” isn’t just a play on words either, or just the rebranding of an old idea. It might seem like that, but as we move further along in this discussion, we’ll begin to see that it’s a model of development with a very specific set of stages. That it establishes its own kind of constitution and lies within an easily understandable metaphorical structure. 

Furthermore, the principles covered in this concept don’t encourage trading in your material possession for a robe and a tiny room in a monastery somewhere, or the complete removal of all aspects of your ego. I’m not even sure if that’s a healthy approach to life. This concept does advocate, however, the figurative construction of your own sanctuary. An idea that I hope will make a little more sense as we move on.

A Real Value Man seeks success and progress. But he does so in a way that’s consistent with core principles. He develops himself. But as he does, the people around him benefit as well. He has ambition, but not only for personal gain. In the end, he’s driven by a desire to create a valuable heritage that he can leave behind in his wake. 

The Real Value Man, as we’ll see, is not a mythical ideal; he is an attainable model of masculinity that represents what it means to lead an authentic, fulfilling, and purposeful life.

The Developmental Levels of a Real Value Man 

Introduction to the Stages of Construction

As we explore the essence of what it means to be a Real Value Man, we’ll focus our lens on each of the five core stages of development that make up this comprehensive approach. Each step, if properly understood, playing a key role in the formation of a truly valuable man.

1. Character and Integrity: This stage emphasizes the understanding and application of personal and core values. It considers the layout of a man’s inherent inclinations and sets the primary ethical foundation that all later stages of development can be built upon.
2. Resilience, Adaptability, and Inner Strength: Here we look at the aspects that enable a man to better negotiate external pressures. These work to protect and reinforce the foundation he’s built. They also create a more secure inner space, which is necessary for the steps still to come.
3. Spiritual Connection and Self-Awareness: This step is about broadening a man’s understanding of his place within existence. It’s also about looking into the reflection of his self and coming to terms with the deeper realities of the image looking back.
4. Empathy and Compassionate Relationships: At this point in the process, we begin to develop our capacity to sincerely provide and care for others. Allowing us to receive additional support as well as feedback that can help us refine some of the work we’ve done in the previous stages.
5. Purpose and Contribution: With all prior stages sufficiently developed, we’re ready to take on our overall purpose in life. We endeavor to look outward and find others within our area that need support and appreciation. Utilizing the sum of what we’ve assembled to effect change for the greater good.

As we examine each of these stages, we’ll gain insights into the multifaceted aspects of a Real Value Man. We’ll take a look at a few of the benefits and the challenges, and, overall, come to see that a better constructed version of yourself is key to having value in society. This is a project that can help men better embody a more eternal form of value, and like all good construction projects, it begins with a good foundation.

Character and Integrity: The Foundation

When we talk about the process of constructing a Real Value Man, the conversation should naturally start with the foundational features of Character and Integrity. These essential elements lay out the groundwork for our project. They are the conditions and underpinnings of a man’s true worth, no matter the material success or external recognition he might eventually achieve.

A man’s character, in our case, is composed of two different factors. The first factor is personal values. Personal values are similar to personality types. They’re the natural tendencies of each man that differ as much as the terrain does from one geographical region to the next. The second factor is a man’s core values, which are more like ethical standards that apply to all men regardless of inborn disposition. 

One man prefers solitude, while the other’s attracted to social interactions. One favors facts and practical details; the following seeks figurative and conceptual information. These are a few of the characteristics that epitomize a man’s personal values. They’re comprised of the preferences we’re inherently predisposed to. They may change over time, especially if we apply our own efforts to that end, but for the most part they encompass the landscape that each man will construct his ethical foundation upon.

Core values, in contrast to personal values, are much more universal. They’re the kind of principles that we find within the broad spectrum of virtue ethics. These are the boundaries each man lays down for his self. They establish the footings of his structural foundation. Rationality, self-respect, honesty, self-control, accountability, and so forth; these are the values that keep our foundation from falling apart. These are not preferences or predispositions. For every Real Value Man, core values are a basic requirement.

Integrity, in this case, is the consistent application of our personal and core values within our daily lives. Like adding water to the dry components found in concrete, integrity is a necessary element that solidifies the foundation of the self over time. Integrity is the reinforcing characteristic of a man’s foundational values, and with that reinforcement he’s prepared to move onto the next stage. 

These elements are fundamental to a man’s construction because they dictate his level of trust. Not only with how much he’s trusted by others, but the level of trust he has for himself. A man who recognizes and lives by his personal and core values will have a better understanding and acceptance of his own nature rather than second guessing himself. He’ll have an easier time navigating his personal life as well as his career. In short, he’ll know who he is and what he stands for, and as a result his level of self-esteem will rise.

This stage doesn’t come easy, though, and it’s never really finished either. It requires constant maintenance. This step in the process isn’t something you can accomplish, and then forget about afterwards. Just like the foundation of a physical structure, it too involves constant conservation. It means continuing to make choices that support one’s personal and core values and making the necessary readjustments and refinements whenever those revisions are required.

In our world, where the people in it are often hypnotized by wealth and status, character and integrity may seem like understated qualities. Yet, they’re the underpinnings of a Real Value Man. They ensure that his future achievements are sound, that they’re built upon a solid base.

A man who cultivates these values sets in place a strong foundation for all future aspects of our personal development plan. As we explore further into what makes a Real Value Man, remember, the place to start is here—with the fundamental building blocks of character and integrity.

Resilience, Adaptability, and Inner Strength: Weathering Challenges

The next step of the plan for becoming a Real Value Man incorporates Resilience, Adaptability, and Inner Strength. These facets are built up from the footings previously established. These features add a protective framework to our character. They fortify a man against the unpredictable pressures of life. These traits are the key structures that maintain the quality of a man’s inner core amidst external, as well as internal, challenges.

Resilience is the ability to weather setbacks and disappointments. It’s not about avoiding hardship (because that’s impossible), but rather, it’s about facing it head-on and standing strong with the help of the grounding of the values we’ve ingrained in our character so far. A resilient man understands that difficult times aren’t the end but instead just the natural design of this reality. He learns from his failures, reconstructs, and continues to look forward, towards the future, with a renewed sense of strength.

Adaptability goes hand in hand with resilience. However, where resilience is about protecting our self from the external environment, adaptability is about letting the environment in when the time seems opportune. It’s the capacity to adjust to new conditions, and in a world that is constantly changing, that capacity is a crucial skill. Adaptability allows us to not only accept change but to embrace it, to let opportunity in as well as rid us of a toxic inner atmosphere whenever those situations arise.

Inner strength is the willpower that reinforces our resilience. It’s one thing to stay strong amidst challenges, but it’s another thing altogether to stay strong in the confidence of something you believe in and are actively striving for. A man’s inner strength comes first from knowing himself—his preferences and predispositions—and then envisioning, from that reality, what or who he could become in the future. This kind of inner vision is built up from the ground of our personal and core values. Inner strength bolsters our resilience. It’s an additional feature that keeps us from collapsing whenever the reality of life becomes momentarily severe.  

Resilience, adaptability, and inner strength are essential to the Real Value Man because life is full of uncertainties. Whether it’s personal struggles, professional setbacks, or unexpected life events, every man will face his share of challenges. These three qualities are what enable him to negotiate these challenges without risking loss or damage to the foundation of his values.

Together these qualities provide us with a protective barrier that can take the brunt of life’s harshest seasons, but first we have to build it up. Cultivating these qualities consists of practice, and self-inspection. It involves inviting difficulties, adapting to situations, and possessing the willpower to continually reach ahead. It also requires, like every other step presented in this outline, a sense of preservation. A continual effort of maintenance, especially in the beginning, that ensures these elemental structures stay in place. 

Resilience, adaptability, and inner strength are about constructing a mental framework that is prepared for, and tempered by, the challenges life will undoubtedly throw our way. For the Real Value Man, these qualities are more than mere assets. They’re necessities in the development of a well-structured life. They’re also the prerequisites, as we’ll see next, for the conditions of a meaningful existence.

Spiritual Connection and Self-Awareness: Awakening and Reflection

We’ve established the foundation (Character and Integrity) of our personal and core values, and constructed a protective framework (Resilience, Adaptability, and Inner Strength) upon that. So, what we have now is an impressive structure, but we’ve also got an inner space that doesn’t have much going on inside. The next step in our outline explores the process of enriching that inner space with meaning and reflection. The addition of Spiritual Connection and Self-Awareness allow us to create a sanctuary out of the basic framework that we’ve developed so far.

Spiritual connection, in this case, isn’t about the adherence to any one kind of religious practice or belief. Instead, it’s about the recognition and nurturing of our sense of connection to the greater world. It’s about understanding the grander narrative of our life and finding out, for ourselves, what our place within the wider web of this reality actually is. Spiritual connection helps each man to understand that he’s just a small part of a vast existence, but also that his life, along with each of his decisions, bear great importance just as well. An understanding that can be realized in several different ways. 

Self-awareness, on the other hand, is about looking deeper within. With our examination and cultivation of personal and core values, our aim was to understand who we are. At this step in the process, we seek to understand why. What’s going on underneath the surface that makes us think and act the way we do? Self-awareness considers the origins of one’s thoughts, emotions, and values. A process that asks us to reflect on the psychology of our most ingrained behavioral patterns. 

Spiritual connection and self-awareness are essential for several reasons. For one thing, they bring us clarity in some conceptual areas that we haven’t previously explored. Greater self-awareness, for example, may help us uncover the roots of our behavioral patterns, which in most cases (and unaware to us) began to develop shortly after we were born. While spiritual connection may guide us into the realization and acceptance of our inescapable death, an insight that may have significant impact on the way we live out the remainder of our lives. These are much broader areas of self-understanding than what we explored with character and integrity. They refine to an even greater degree a comprehension of who we really are. 

Developing spiritual connection and self-awareness requires us to be open to new perspectives. It also requires, like everything of real value, a considerable amount of time and patience. Realizations like these don’t often come in a flash. Like developing the fruit of a garden, they need consistent cultivation for us to reap their reward. This part of the plan is also very personal. The structure of each man’s inner sanctuary will likely be very different from one individual to the next.

Spiritual connection and self-awareness form a vital part of the Real Value Man concept, as they constitute his core. They are not just about introspection and personal tranquility but about developing the inner space from which all external aspects of a man’s life can then properly grow. They reinforce our character and integrity, augment our resilience and inner strength. And, as we’ll see in the next section, afford us the opportunity to open the doors into fuller, more substantial personal relationships.

Empathy and Compassionate Relationships: Opening the Doors of Connection

We’re now at the fourth stage of our plans for a Real Value Man. In this stage we’ll take a look at the elements of Empathy and Compassionate Relationships, two aspects that play a pivotal part in the application of the frameworks that we’ve created so far. This stage is about extending one’s inner development to the realm of interpersonal connections, where we nurture relationships for the benefit of others, as well as ourselves.

At this stage we open the doors to our inner space. But like many doors, this requires a key. Empathy, in this case, is that key. Empathy is the ability to understand and also share the feelings of others, which as you might know goes beyond mere sympathy. It means that a man can put himself in another’s shoes and see the world from another’s perspective. And with that, he can respond with real kindness and understanding to another’s circumstance. 

Compassionate relationships are those in which empathy is consistently applied. Like integrity, compassionate relationships are the outcome, the context, of a repeated act. They are characterized by a continued willingness to care for and support others, to celebrate their successes, and offer comfort in their struggles. 

Empathy is necessary for the development of a man’s life because it breaks down our emotional barriers, and it cultivates between ourselves and others a sense of connection and mutual respect. In compassionate relationships, we offer the inner space that we’ve created as a refuge where the people we care about in life can feel safe. Compassionate relationships, though, also give us some things in return.

Compassionate relationships, for example, can offer us additional support. The character and integrity that others have developed, the particular kind of resilience, inner strength, self-awareness, etc., that they’ve achieved, can positively influence our own. Some people close to us might also have some superior characteristics, and in this case, you can learn from them, take in what they’ve developed, and use this knowledge to further improve upon yourself. 

Cultivating empathy and the resulting compassionate relationships, however, isn’t always easy or this beneficial. Not everybody is going to be able to offer you something really valuable in exchange for your compassion. Some people in your life could actually be toxic to your inner space. A Real Value Man, however, will still strive to apply empathy in these relationships, leaning back on his spiritual connection and self-awareness to keep situations like this in perspective.

Empathy and compassionate relationships, as in all steps, also requires ongoing effort. It involves active listening, the capacity to be present in the moment, and the willingness to be vulnerable to uncomfortable truths. It’s about showing up for others, offering support without judgment, and being open to learning from the experience of someone else’s life.

For a Real Value Man, empathy and compassionate relationships are a natural extension of the stages that we’ve previously explored. They embody his values, strength, and understanding in action, and begin to reveal that the internal virtues he’s developed so far aren’t just for the benefit of himself. They’ve also primed him, as we’ll see in the next section, for the possibility of creating positive community impact.

Purpose and Contribution: Influence in the External World

The fifth stage of becoming a Real Value Man encompasses the culmination of our project so far. At this stage, we expand our capacity of personal development to achieve positive change in our surrounding communities. Purpose is the mechanism that gives our life and actions greater meaning, while Contribution is the outcome of those meaningful actions in the outside world. 

Purpose, in this case, gives us a reason that’s beyond ourselves for existing. Up until this point we’ve been focused on personal development. The reason for the work has been to improve our own lives. This last stage, however, expands our sense of self to include our surrounding community as well. To incorporate and give back to the environments we’ve been embedded in all along.

So, how do we find our purpose? By now a man should already have a good grasp on his own preferences, predispositions, and personal interests. Foundational elements that were recognized and explored within the first stage of our project. The landscape, the natural layout of a man’s ideological area—a man’s purpose will be a direct extension of these. 

A man’s purpose should be focused on helping others within the region where he conceptually lives. Not necessarily within the physical region, but within the environment surrounding the ideological sanctuary we’ve been constructing so far. What did the landscape look like when you began? There are others in that area who also have the same inclinations and interests, who are drawn to the same ideals. Supporting and appreciating these people is the crux of a man’s purpose. Helping others to build up their own self-sanctuaries by giving them access to our own. 

Purpose, then, is a man’s call to have a positive impact on the communities he feels closest to, but this isn’t an easy task. Taking the characteristics he’s learned throughout the project and applying them in the outside world is a big step in a man’s evolution. It takes a lot of effort to master the previous steps of self-development and not every man may even desire to reach and develop this final stage, and that’s ok. However, for those who’ve mastered the previous steps and still want to move forward with their evolution, this is the natural progression.

Developing a genuine purpose and expressing that through community contribution means being proactive about one’s role in the world and seeking ways to make a positive difference in the lives of the others who have similar predispositions and intellectual interests. It means helping others with their own foundations, with their own sense of resilience and inner strength, their own spiritual connection and self-understanding, and doing so in a selfless way. 

Purpose and contribution represent the ultimate expression of a Real Value Man. It’s about living the kind of life that builds up not just our own world, but also the world around us. Where the positive contributions we’ve made to the self radiate outwards and have a positive impact on the surrounding realm.

Conclusion: Accepting the Offer

As we reach the end of our outline of the concept of a Real Value Man, a few things should be fairly clear. Tossing aside traditional aspects of a valuable man is not my goal. Getting rid of ambition, leadership, financial stability, etc., is not a good idea and it will not help society. However, allowing these traits alone to epitomize value for men allows greed and narcissism to remain unchecked, and, as a result, diminish our communities. I believe that healthy masculinity is a necessary function of a healthy culture, but I believe that healthy masculinity can only be achieved by developing the inner virtues of a man first.

Earlier in this conversation, we discussed the limitations of the high value man concept and then proposed a more comprehensive paradigm, the Real Value Man. We examined the five developmental stages of this concept (Character and Integrity – Resilience, Adaptability, and Inner Strength – Spiritual Connection and Self-Awareness – Empathy and Compassionate Relationships – and Purpose, Direction, and Contribution), and with that, roughly outlined the steps necessary for men to lead genuinely valuable lives.

The project of becoming a Real Value Man, however, is not necessarily such a linear one. You can focus on the contents of each stage one at a time in their recommended order or develop them simultaneously. However, I advise, in all cases, mastering the first four stages before moving on to the fifth. 

Overall, becoming a Real Value Man requires a continuous commitment to personal growth, self-reflection, and a willingness to adapt and evolve. It involves aligning our everyday actions with our deepest values and preserving those values in the midst of trials. It also involves understanding ourselves in a more expansive and deeper sense, as well as building compassionate relationships with the help of an empathic approach. All this culminates into a man who is capable of contributing positively to the world around him. A Real Value Man who cultivates a life of authenticity and purpose, a life that’s good for both him and society, in the present and the future, equally so.

With the rough outline in hand, we have an overview of the whole project, but there are still hundreds of details yet to hash out. In the coming articles I plan to take a closer look at each of these stages. To find as much relevant information that I can find and attempt to separate, for you, the wheat from the chaff. 

Nevertheless, each man must do the real work for himself. The responsibility of personifying the kind of value that the world really needs today is the responsibility of not one; it is the responsibility of all.

Embracing the project of the Real Value Man means not removing traditional definitions of masculine success but shifting the focus instead onto the essential elements of real value. It means manifesting, for the benefit of yourself and others, an ideal form of integrity, resilience, meaning, empathy, and purpose. So, embrace this project. Continue reading and understanding as I work through this material. Because it’s my sincerest hope that it will do more than just transform your perspective on masculine value. Let’s raise up a new archetype. Let’s, together, transform into Real Value Men.